I’ve had my mind on Mom so much lately but I have been unable to really write…until now.
This past Easter Sunday was the first anniversary of Mom’s last day here with us.
Last week, I kept thinking about the days leading up to March 31st of last year. There were many emotions running through my mind that week. I felt hope, yet sadness…doubt and feelings of loss…helplessness and relief…fear and heartbreak. Talk about some heavy parallels with the journey of the Lenten Holy Week.
So, tonight, as I was searching the internet, I remembered a song we had heard this Easter Sunday titled, “You Make Beautiful Things” by Gungor. I listened to it again with intention. After reading about the band and exploring a bit of their blog, it got me thinking in many directions. Funny how that goes, right?
First, it took me to the music that my brother played in the hospital last year on March 31st. When my husband and I walked into my mom’s room, surrounded by my whole family, it was overwhelming. Although we talked on the phone often, I hadn’t seen Mom in months and I knew this would be the last time I would see her again.
The music playing in the background was music she had played for countless hours when I was a young kiddo. I hadn’t heard much of any of it for decades, and yet, as soon as a song began playing, the melody and lyrics would fill my head…and comfort me.
So, tonight, I found myself playing music…for me…for Mom…for some connection to her.
I could imagine my childhood home and my mother in it, making dinner or sewing, while listening to John Michael Talbot’s Come to the Quiet album.
John Denver had me stomping my feet and remembering so many road trips from years ago, taken as a family. I could see the pine tree forests beside us and endless highway roads before us.
I still remember my mother, and her best friend, my godmother, who lived across the alley directly behind our house, talking about Cat Steven’s album Teaser and the Firecat. I can see them passing the album to each other and imagine them talking about his lyrics while listening to the music. I especially remember studying the album artwork as a child, fascinated by the colors and characters.
While on the way to church this Easter Sunday, Cat Stevens came on the radio, singing “Wild World”. Our trip in the car was a short one, but it was plenty of time to hear the whole song…as if Mom was there with us, giving us a much-needed smile and embrace.
How does music do this? How does it deliver you to a place and time so quickly? How does it connect you beyond face-to-face encounters?
Well, it does. It did that for me one year ago and it did again for me tonight. And, it will continue to be a bridge between Mom and me always. I love you and miss you, Mom.